Warning to the wiser

The little red house is under attack. It's a modest attack, for the moment, composed of several strangers knocking at the door, but an attempt to invade the cabin has nonetheless been staged. Dear readers, chers amis, if you see a comment marked "look here" below any of these entries, walk the other way. Sticks and stones break bones and words, alas, can hurt you.

Get a gander on that dander

Is it the time of year? The relentless snow? Or caged-up paranoia? She moves throughout the house, and the house is filled with cat hair. Cat hair in her noodle soup, cat hair on her trousers, in the shower drain, in the far right corner of every step in the house. The cat hair is black, the cat hair is white, the cat hair is not the color of her actual cat. Mylo never shed before. Is he getting ready for spring? Or is he getting ready for flight?

Une bonne nouvelle

Domo's new film, Return to Labradoria, just got accepted to the Aspen Film Festival. This is exciting on numerous levels: the festival is très, très prestigious, Domo has never been to Colorado, and with Beaver Creek nearby, little B. is sure to find a lot of furry-minded friends building kick-ass dams.

We will most certainly be holding a ginormous bakesale in order to get ourselves to Aspen. Either baked goods or beef jerky, whichever we master by April.

Organic panic

Why does Beaver subscribe to Domino Magazine? This publication irks her, it is a consumer's wet dream, and yet, she intakes a little sip of air when she sees it in her post box. Oh, yippee! It's arrived! The worst part is the section where they document the day in the life of some fussy green princess. Rarely is the person profiled a regular Old Joey, he or she is a designer, the owner of a (green! very green!) cosmetic company, a fair trade coffee bean shop, or some long limbed activist who makes recycled sneakers on the side.

Where are the waiters, the waitresses, the unemployed cartoonists and the struggling freelancers who are trying their best to live a responsible life, with what they can afford? Don't these people ever get caught without their eco-friendly tote bag? This month's issue features a "former model" whose daily conundrums include waking up from a nap at 12:44 "in a panic" to realize that she "neglected to offset (her) carbon emissions for the flight!" Oh, yuck. Help me pay my mortgage.

On another note, we have come across the best short story of the year and it's in this month's New Yorker. Check out "Free Radicals" by Alice Munro. If you like her, you'll love Antonya Nelson, another favorite writer.

The second time around

Beaver is working on a new novel about living in the country. It will document the trials and tribulations of a cosmopolitan faced with wooded acreage, evangelical neighbors and an influx of Subarus. She can't think of a title. Can you?

Grapes and Gripes

Why is it impossible to buy a bottle of wine under $12 that doesn’t taste like reinforced Manishevitz? Is anyone else sick to death of the headache inducing combo of Petit Syrah and Grenache? Is there any economical red that doesn’t taste “jammy”?!

Case in point. Last night, we tried the Cycles Gladiator 2005 Central Coast Merlot because it won a number of awards, including one in France, a country we considered relatively immune to the Cheapo Shiraz virus. Et beh, non! Welcome to the wino-cherry of the elephant millennium. Even diluted, it was undrinkable. Even an hour after receiving a letter that we owe massive back taxes for 2006, it was still undrinkable. Now that’s a bad wine.

Got good vino recs for a limited cash flow? Please write in.

Last gripe of the morning- unwatchable Netflix DVDs. Every movie we’ve been getting recently has been a stuttering disaster. Step it up a notch, Netshitz. Beaver knows she’s not the only one to rent “This Film is Not Yet Rated”, but a lot of people have crumbs in their machines. It’s time to replace your achy-breaky copies!

The Academy would like to thank:

Bizalions of Great Barrington for its country pâté, its authentic French bread and its palatable selection of imported olive oils. www.bizalions.com

The Berkshire South Regional Community Center for giving La Beav and her Domo a 70% discount to get their hides into shape. Thank you, Mimi, for your voluptuous sense of humor. It’s fun to yoga with Domo! www.berkshiresouth.org

Thank you, Tuckers Pub, for serving the cheapest, coldest beer in the Berkshires, for always seating us next to the fire and for frying up bad French fries with nothing but good cheer. Sandisfield, 413.258.4945

Hooray for The Other Brother Darryl’s Fish Market with their wholesale prices, take-out fish & chips and for not making fun of Beaver and Domo when they ordered 5 pounds of mussels for two and ate them all up. 276 North Main Road, Otis 413.269.7611

You’re pretentious and you make us wait in line for miniature eternities, but damnit, Janet, Rubi’s makes the best lattés in town. 264 Main Street, Great Barrington, 413.528.0488

A new discovery is the Log House Restaurant in Barkhamsted. The waitresses have perms, the coffee is terrible, the omelettes are supersized and the hash browns do you right. 110 New Hartford Rd., Barkhamsted, CT 860.379.8937

Thank you, Eaglewood Farms-- Keep up with the kielbasa. This small farm is doing wonderfully humane things with meat, though the USDA is trying their hardest to get them to stop. 325 New Hartford Rd, Barkhamsted, CT 860.379.5978

Thank you, Thursday bartender at The Old Inn on the Green. You made little Beaver a real deal whiskey sour. www.oldinn.com

And lastly, thank you fellow members of Little Bully Media for making the exodus from Brooklyn. If we build it, they will come. www.littlebullymedia.com

Making it through winter

Hair long enough for pigtails, Michel Polnareff's high warble on the long stretch between Great Barrington and home, extreme sledding, Mexican hot chocolate, Mexico, tout court, novels and books about meat.

Plumbers charging less than they said they would, the boiler almost breaking, but not quite, less wine, better bottles, rediscovering tequila, Bikram yoga, the swimming pool, the sauna.

The smell of lavender, leafy greens forever, karaoke, mid-week sleepovers, felt-covered hot water bottles, dinner by the fire, pâté, dark chocolate. Unexpected letters arriving in the mail.

And, we're back

A New Year, a new vibe.
The Little Red House is going vrai, vraisemblable, more realistic, if you like.
We'll be exploring some true-to-life things in this, the one-year anniversary of the purchase of our home.

We'll talk renovations, wine, salumi, good restaurants, bad restaurants, explore capricious fitness attempts and explain how, and if, we are managing to stay alive in the great green wilderness of the Berkshires on a monthly income that's too low to print.

Stay tuned, stay with us. The Little Red House is coming out of hibernation in a rambunctious new way.